On The Care and Feeding of Your Donkey

Many thanks to Wikihow for the inspiration here. For their complete and accurate guidance please click here:  http://www.wikihow.com/Care-for-a-Donkey.  The similarities in husbandry between the animal and the poker donk are UNNERVING.

1. Provide your donkey with a good home.  A good home game is crucial to the health and well-being of your donkey.  Provide a comfortable environment for your donkey.  Padded chairs are nice.  Donkey's like to be comfy and feel at home.  A few flatscreen TVs are also a plus.  They tend to keep your donkey entertained when he's not playing a hand (thus, he won't be watching them much) or even when he is playing a hand.

2.  Build decent fencing.  Translation:  Don't let your donkey either (a) run away from you or (b) or get roped into someone else's home game.  Donkey's don't mind the fencing.  Just like any other pet, they need and want boundaries.

3.  Keep your donkey’s water supply available and accessible.  Have beverages available.  Keep a small fridge nearby, and keep it stocked.  Donkeys play better when hydrated, de-hydrated and drunk.  Crown Royal Canadian Whisky is preferred.  http://www.crownroyal.com/gateway.aspx?page=http%3a%2f%2fwww.crownroyal.com%2fhome.aspx

4.  Feed your donkey properly, give appropriate treats & dietary supplements and keep a donkey’s feeding area clean.  Wait, didn't I say "Don't Feed the Donkey"?  With donkeys, paradoxes abound.  They honestly believe that they're playing "poker," after all.  In truth, their favorite snacks are carrots.  Feed them some.  Popcorn, freshly baked cookies. Anything that will keep them coming back week after week after week...

5.  Let your donkey get extra exercise in winter.  Schedule a few extra games at the end of the year.  There are lots of holidays thrown in there, so optimize the schedule.  Four day weekend?  Invite him over twice. 

6.  Provide your donkey with companionship.  Be nice.  The donkey is your "friend".  You want him around.  Don't criticize too much, or he might actually test out the decency of your fencing (See instruction #2 above).  Do you know more than one donkey?  Invite them both over.  Know three donkeys?  The more the merrier.  Donkeys like to play with other donkeys just so they can feel, in their heart of hearts, that they're better than SOMEONE.

7.  Keep vaccinations & worming up–to-date, be vigilant about hoof care and check your donkey’s teeth regularly.  OK, I'll admit it.  The analogy is breaking down here, but who wants to play cards with a parasitic, dirty footed donkey with crap stuck between his teeth?